Oh dear, where to start.
The self, that is known as ‘Amanda’ has been rolling over and over the last few days on brining up this feeling of low self worth. Even having the mind planning conversations or writing letters to loved ones on how much they have meant to her in life as part of a way to not look so selfish before ending it all.
Now this is not what I am – but the construct of the mind that has an amazing imagination. I’m feeling the emotions of annoyance, most likely from the self, by just typing this.
The levels of stress and uncertainty have fuelled this self-talk, giving more reasons to be anxious and not feel at peace. There are times I get lost in these thoughts and even only remember that the constructed ‘self’ has taken over when I’m lying in bed with tears streaming down my face that it’s gone and taken over the screen of my mind again.
The awareness is great, the environment at work however is fuelling the negative ‘self’ so this exercise is taking a lot of energy, espeicially emotionally and even more so mentally. Being a thinking it’s been a battle ground in the mind but meditation helps bring this awareness back out from ‘Amanda’ occupying the talk in the mind and into reality, experiencing a more pleasant environment and taking in the world and it’s wonders.
Note to self: Meditate more and listen to ‘Self-talk’ less