Having just watched a film on two strangers meeting each other and their journey to finding true love, in the most sincere way – I began to feel a well up of emotion. It was that feeling associated with something I had long forgotten. That feeling of excitement, looking into someones eye and getting completely lost in that other being.
The heart felt full, pounding with so much energy. I checked in to see if this was anger for not having felt love like this in a while, or even allowing it to happen for a long time or something else. After quieting the mind , I thought about these feelings through other means, such as compassion from friends, family and work colleagues. Then the tears began to finally fall. They were happy tears, the heart was overwhelmed with love.
I may not be in the position to find a partner to feel that unified kind of love but what I have learned just then from the last year has been a blessing in disguise. Before, finding love was about finding the one and feeling worthy of their love. This moment made me realise what I’ve been blind to is that ‘love’ has been filling up the heart in many other ways.
This month, the team I work with has been deconstructed and the management are potentially leaving. I tried to not let it bother me and wanted to show them support, but today I was taken into a room by my manager because he wanted to make sure I was ok and to talk about it all. He made it about me and told me he was aware of the pressure and provided advice to get through, even offered a cup of tea. This was my manager going above and beyond, not providing ‘romance’, but emotional support, looking out for others in the face of difficult times of their own.
A friend skyped me the other day to have a chat, she checked-in with every area of my life, and shared personal details of hers. It felt so heart warming to see her and yet breaking not being able to hug her. There was so many emotions during this call I just didn’t think to put it down to feeling love for and from her. Knowing I could be completely vulnerable with her and be safe to do so.
Another friend opened up about his want to be a better friend, but I told him not to worry and that I have no expectations of him, only expect that he’s healthy and in a good place. He debated that he wanted to call more often and work on our friendship as he appreciated it. Not in a romantic way, but his authenticity with me shows he’s happy to be vulnerable with me as much as I am with him.
Note to self: True love does’t have to be reserved or restricted to the ‘one’. Small signs of compassion, gestures and selflessness are underestimated affections of love. Take it in as well as give it out. You are worthy of love.