On day 1, going into learn NLP was to assist with the goal of learning how to become a good coach and a better serve others. By day four I ended up looking intently at ways to serve myself.
Part of the realisation of the quote I’ve repetitively seen and heard and trying to understand;
“Helping myself in order to help others”.
To be able to help others see what they are truly looking for help on, not just what the ego wants to feed out, or what they think might be the initial conflicts, but how to recognise these programs, personality types and signals within them that they might not see themselves.
If I can’t do this with ease on myself, how can I help anyone else?
The understanding of meta programs and states in the present moment of communication, in the projections and in the internal movie mind – that’s what I’d learned about NLP so far. These different angles in which NLP can be interpreted and displayed. The various levels of understanding and communication that can be provided, with and without words.
Another quote that has also taught a valuable lesson is;
“Energy flows where attention goes as guided by intention”
Generally speaking, everyone’s intentions are good. How they go about delivering that intent can be interpreted in many ways, pending on the group of programs running in the bi-directional communication. Some crucial information could get lost, misinterpreted and distorted. On the other hand it can be free flowing, energising and productive. At work and during conversations with friends and family, I have consciously assessed my reactions and pushed myself (the ego) aside in order to see if I can interpret others differently. One conversation resulted in an hour long discussion as opposed to the normal 5 five minutes. Another went from frictional to genuine smiles at the end.
It was never them, it was me. I learned what I always expected of people wasn’t actually to help them, but was to try and help my understanding of them. At first I felt bruised (my ego got a huge slap), over the following days I felt a new understanding of myself and am truly grateful.
I’ve come to learn through these patterns and enneagram type quizing that I am most likely a Helper type personality, with a ‘Challenger’ meta programs at work and the ‘Individualist’ type in my own time and with hobbies. The programs cross and interchange throughout these areas of life but by looking at them in scenarios in the past, it’s clear to see why I would have reacted and taken actions in the way I did. It was neither good or bad, it was what it was. This realisation helped silence that inner judgement and even the memories of the reactive judgements at that time.
Another important lesson was that there is no good or bad personality type or program. The frame of realising if it serves the purpose or the intentions are the benefits of using NLP to bring about this awareness.
As someone who is prone to wanting to please other people, two years ago I purposefully stopped trying to be a helper personality type outside of work, thinking it was a weak way to be. It was only reserved for those who ‘helped’ or genuinely needed it. After doing the first four days on this NLP course, the perspective changed back to realising it’s ok to just be and help without question, assessment or judgement. To keep it genuinely unconditional. Just having that awareness of seeing my expectation in others was conditional, this helped loosen any qualms with interactions.
Over the last year I have been practicing meditation, yoga and reading on buddhism to learn more about peace of mind. NLP has shed light a lot of similar perspectives, especially mindfulness and the dharma. The awareness and realisation of seeing things as they are without filters, but letting them come and go. The mission in my understanding isn’t so much to live a life of dharma, this isn’t a choice I’m choosing to make. That’s why NLP comes across as a great tool to bring about the awareness and apply it where genuinely needed for understanding and then help when required or requested.
The learnings of NLP have become more concrete when put to practice. To experience and apply the theory of the programs, to listen to the framing in the continuum and to use it to analyse the static memories. All it comes down to is re-contextualising the situations by re-framing them. Seeing the way this effects the emotional attachments or objections puts together a bigger picture. When there are perceptions with less or different filters that hold certain values, beliefs and habitual thinking patterns, the more information is let in. Just this alone helped me see how NLP can help in any form of communication.
Most importantly, it’s knowing it’s OK to indulge in the habitual thinking patterns, values, beliefs and group think if it’s serving you, me or the collective. It’s only when there are blocks in goals, pain becoming hard to shift or problems that need to be resolved that NLP and the various models (communication, re-framing etc) would be a benefit to moving forward.
It was a struggle for the ego to come to terms with this. There was denial, hurt and quite a bit of mis-matching to the point of spending a couple of hours into the night looking up arguments for and against the reasoning of programs. I’m extremely grateful for these struggles as it reminds me that I’m only human and it’s natural to go through this human experience. Feeling doubt, or conflict in the information provided is a a flag that there is some program or value that I’m using and brings awareness to it. New awareness, new horizons.