No one is broken

Some very powerful words I heard at an NLP session the other month, ‘no one is broken and no one needs fixing‘.

At this session there was a focus on emotional intelligence and how NLP helps re-wire the minds’ thought process. If you’ve grown up in an external environment with mostly positive inputs, you’re more likely to have a lot of preset thought processes that result in positive outputs. However, if you’ve had mostly negative inputs, you may have consciously or subconciously set processes/presets physiologically or emotionally which provided the resulting outputs. E.g. Stuttering, anxiety and phobias for example.

For those who mumble to themselves and doesn’t realise – they’re not ‘loosing it’, they’re ‘holding onto it’. Whatever it was that is going over and over in the mind, that is no longer present but is a distorted memory, replayed over and over again internally to make sense or find some peace in it. The result doesn’t change if the thought process doesn’t change. The mind isn’t broken, in a way it’s facing the same old preset instead of seeing other perspectives or other ways to interpret the memory and make peace with it. It’s as though it’s a blanket that’s stopping the thinking from taking in anything else that is present and see what’s happening right here, right now.

For myself, I grew up with a father who would belittle me, and harshly call me ‘a stupid b%#&$’, beat me and my sister with belts and hangers for any reason he could find. My preset reaction growing up with people who would try to belittle me was to do it right back, or finish the physical fights anyone started. In a way, I’m grateful for these presets when getting through school but as an adult it was difficult to maintain calm in arguments in personal relationships. I noticed when my presets were set into motion, it excellerated others. So when I sought advice on how to deal with it, I was told to show love.

In NLP format, I interpret this to building new thought processes and reacting with love instead of the ‘giving a taste of their own medicince’ approach. In order to do this, I would see the emotion or intention of the other person in a good light and filter out the negative factors. This provides a positive input and the output is more like love than anything else. It’s most certainly diffused a couple of passive agressive people and everyone carries on the day with good intentions.

However, I’ve learnt that there are some people who do not (currently) have the capacity to diffuse their anger and know to steer clear but not in a way to avoid but to smile and walk away from any emotional attacks. They’re not broken, or need fixing, they just need to decide for themselves if they want to change their input and output processes. If it’s someone you care about, you can only advise but not dictate how they should interpret things. It’s no-ones decision but theirs.

The mind is very powerful in controlling your physical and mental inerpretation of things. Take control of how you want to interpret things but giving the mind some options, both the positive and negative side of things to start and then go for a whole day of only seeing things from a positive view. See what happens!



  1. I loved reading this! It makes complete sense thinking about it. Nurture plays a huge role in a child’s upbringing. It certainly still effects me, though in a different way when compared to your experience. I hope to be able to continue to retrain my mind. It will take a while but I like to think I can get there one day 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. NLP is where it’s at. I have studied it and trained in it down one side and up the other. No, we are not broken, and no we don’t need fixing. As you’ve written, we have to be willing to change our thought processes. The time is now. We have all the tools we need. Change may be difficult, but hardly impossible. Sadly, some people have what’s called: “Secondary gain.” There”s a reason beyond the obvious that they are holding on to their past. For one thing, in some minds, it’s a possession. It belongs to them. Why should they let it go. For others, they are getting something out of holding on. Maybe attention. Whatever holds us back is of our own making. As Maya Angelou has said: “When we know better, We do better.” So, if not now when???


    • Thank you for the insight on the secondary gain. I’m just beginning to take a practitioner course on NLP and it’s most definitely where it’s at for me.
      The psychology on why people suffer in the mind is a fascinating one, particularly because I find the more I know, the less I feel vulnerable to suffering, which follows Maya’s quote in a way. Thanks again for the post, great food for thought.

      Liked by 1 person

      • By the read of your post, I sense you are well on your way. May I suggest going as far as you can with NLP. I promise it will be well worth the investment, mind, body, and spirit. You may also engage well with other seekers as a result. Highest and Best!


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