Objectifying to detach

Objectify in the sense of;
(transitive) to represent concretely; present as an object

One thing I have noticed I’m using more often since studying meditation and the Dharma* of buddism is keeping detached and objectify interactions. The method of objectifying is to put communications and situations through an emotionless filter, which then allows the process of provided informaton to have an output that is logical and well thought through without emotional bias.

It confuses people at work to not see me upset with the amount of work I have and thus provide more. This method in return helps me talk to these people without fear to say no to any more work as well as have conversations with the CEO without feeling nervous of saying something or coming across in a bad manner.

On the dating side, on two seperate dating experiences, the guys flirt and use flattery and expect to be flattered back and when there’s not much flirting back, there’s negging, or talking about other women or their expectations and one guy seemed to get suspiscous of my emotional detachment and said I come across like an ‘Ice queen’. I understand this is coming from the culture that is comparing how I’m expected to act as a woman on a date is expected to act, but it doesn’t feel right to lead these guys on with words to get their hopes up to think I’m invested when I’m not. To let them get attached, is most likely going to end up getting emotional when the ties are cut.

This method is great for diffusing emotionally driven attacks, bad situations, negative feedback or results. But I’m starting to wonder if it’s now become detrimental to experiencing the full ups and downs of relationships and life or even surpress emotions that might be suitable to use in the given situation. Then again, it’s cutting out the unnecessary drama and part of realising drama is the cause of pain.

It’s like the crossroad of choosing to leave the values of collective popular culture completely to avoid confusions of expectations in new relationships. Yes, this means a no no to online dating sites and conversations over talking over social media apps for getting to know someone.

I know it’s the right path to take, albeit with a sense of not knowing that many people would fully accept the behavioural changes that come with that, meaning lesser invites to socialise, but it’s the path that makes most sense. It’s been exhausting trying to keep up appearances of the collective pop culture and this is the point I’ve come to on this.

For now, I will carry on doing what feels right, especially when it comes to relationships. It’s a harsher filter but has helped put things into a clearer perspective and keeping the true intents present.


* Dharma means “protection”. By practicing Buddha’s teachings we protect ourself from suffering and problems. All the problems we experience during daily life originate in ignorance, and the method for eliminating ignorance is to practice Dharma.

Practicing Dharma is the supreme method for improving the quality of our human life. The quality of life depends not upon external development or material progress, but upon the inner development of peace and happiness.

Taken from – Kadampa Buddism; [2016]. About Dharma; Available from: http://kadampa.org/reference/about-dharma

 

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